embracing fidelity....

Fidelity is a word I haven't heard much in my lifetime and from my perspective it is certainly not a characteristic that is popular and upheld amongst the masses. Fidelity is rarely found in relationships and when it is it is in a minority. I say this because I remember, as a kid, growing up and my friends would always comment on how lucky i was that my parents were still together and that they showed affection to one another after 30 plus years of marriage - i thought that was normal!

Since my high school days i have come to learn that relationships seem to come and go and change as people seem to 'fall in and out of love' from week to week. Their feelings on any given day seem to dictate their decision making process above anything else... I see this reflected in the high divorce rate amongst both Christian and Non Christian marriages alike, i see this reflected in my own youth and young adult ministries as young people make decisions on whether to enter into or break out of relationships because of the way they are feeling... and it scares me a little bit!

Is Fidelity something that is dependent on how we are feeling or is it a commitment we give and uphold regardless of our feelings and regardless of what our emotions are saying to us?

The online dictionary outlines the meaning of fidelity in the following way:

fi⋅del⋅i⋅ty

1.	strict observance of promises, duties, etc.: a servant's fidelity.

2.	loyalty: fidelity to one's country.

3.	conjugal faithfulness.

4.	adherence to fact or detail.

5.	accuracy; exactness: The speech was transcribed with great fidelity.

6.	Audio, Video. the degree of accuracy with which sound or images are recorded or reproduced.

I reckon we need to embrace fidelity as the principle that underpins EVERY relationship we enter into... whether it be a marriage relationship, a friendship, a relationship with our God, a relationship with our Church community, a relationship with our neighbours, our brothers and sisters and parents... fidelity is lost somewhere or it is something that we have added conditions to... as in:

"I will commit to you as long as...you continue to make me feel good, or as long as you dont challenge me, or as long as you let me do whatever i want to do..."

Marks Sayers reflects in his book "The Trouble with Paris" on the idea of fidelity:

"Our culture has eroticized the stranger. We don't just see this phenomenon on the screen; we see it in our own lives. We find ourselves lusting after or having crushes on people we barely know, whether it be the model in the makeup ad, someone at the bus stop, or the gardener. The stranger speaks to us of excitement, danger, passion and wild sexual abandon.

Conversly, we view commitment and familiarity as uninspired, boring and mundane. We almost believe that as soon as we are committed to something or someone, we take away the ability of that thing or person to excite us and draw us in..."

I am all for fidelity. I am looking for it in my relationships, to offer it and receive it.

Twilight - "anybody order a love burger? well done."

When I had a number of teenage girls ask me to pray for the Twilight Movie late last year prior to its opening I thought I had better investigate this series further. I went and bought the books and locked in a time to go see the movie with one of my Mustard Colleagues so we could get an idea as to why Twilight has sent teenage girls from all over the world just a little bit loco.

It was when I walked into the cinemas at Donny that I realized that this thing was bigger than I had first thought. I was the only male in the cinema surrounded by teenage girls and a number of young adult women, you could feel the anticipation in the air as we watched the 15 minutes of ads and movie previews – they couldn’t wait to see Edward Cullen ‘in the flesh’ and on the big screen.

The movie began and all eyes were fixed on the screen – not daring to blink or speak in case they missed something. When Edward appeared, when he made a joke or when he said something romantic you could hear the giggles, the sighs and see the looks of satisfaction on every face. It was surreal – I was convinced that the majority of young girls and women present believed they were in love!

From a practical point of view I have to say that most of the time when books are turned into movies the response from its readers is generally under whelming and they leave the cinemas disappointed that the movie just didn’t stack up to the way they had imagined it, in this case, however, I would say that the Characters were well cast and the transition from page to screen was done reasonably well with the movie containing just as much sexual tension, awkward silences (and at times acting) and teenage anxt as the book.

Just like the book, the movie moved quite slowly, without much happening, until the last 20 minutes but it served well as a setup for, what I am sure will be, the many sequels to follow and an introduction to the characters.

Remembering that I am a 29 year old guy I have to admit that both the book and the movie took me back to my teenage years; a time before it was popular to be ‘emo’, before mobile phones were accessories (ones that were smaller than bricks anyway!), when Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place dominated the Television Airwaves and when the characters played by actors Keanu Reeves, Luke Perry and Christian Slater were every girls dream du jour… They were good times, simpler times - when hot, “normal” guys with ripped abs and “dreamy” eyes captivated the imaginations of teenage girls and made the average teenage boy feel inadequate. Now even Pitt and Clooney just don’t cut it anymore. ‘Vegetarian’ Vampires that sparkle and stalk 17 year old girls are the latest ‘hyper-real’ desire for not only teenage girls, but for young adult women, everywhere.

I have absolutely nothing against the books or the movie as a form of harmless escapism – I still love Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Star Wars – but I wonder whether, on some sub conscious level the Movie serves to propagate the idea that love is simply a feeling you can fall in and out of rather than a commitment that is given and demonstrated irregardless of feelings or circumstance. I wonder if young women and teenage girls are buying into the unattainable and impossible ‘reality’ they are being sold through stories and movies such as Twilight because when I look at the astonishing divorce rate, when I speak to young people in high schools, when I hear the criteria they hold to for relationships and what love looks and feels like they seem to share Bella’s perspective – and that scares the crap out of me.

Here’s the type of love I believe in and desire to grow in – it’s harder, its more dangerous and it is less self serving and maybe less romantic but is every bit as, if not more, passionate, committed and powerful than any other love story ever told…

“Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself…your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had. Though He was God, He did not demand and cling to His rights as God. He made Himself nothing. He took the humble position of a slave and appeared in human form. And in human form he obediently humbled himself even further by dying a criminals death on a cross.”

– Phillipians 2:3-8

I can understand why the movie and the books are popular with teenage girls and young women – I say keep enjoying them if that’s what you get your kicks from but I say it with a cautionary tagline – ‘remember its fiction’.